Talk About It A short conversation
A short conversation about what you watched
Read this page together. Four questions exploring what you just watched.
This conversation is for two partners or friends change
Three things first
- This is still just movie night or TV time. Neither of you has to be an expert.
- Either of you can pass on any question.
- Anyone can ask to finish the conversation.
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Watch something with more than one man in it
Whatever you were going to put on anyway. While it plays, both of you agree to watch for two things: which men say how they feel out loud, and how men treat other people.
Enjoy the show! -
Discuss the four questions
Whoever is holding the phone reads #1 out loud, and answers it first. Both players answer each question. The reader goes first, so nobody feels interrogated.
"Which male character would you actually want in your life? What makes him that guy?"
"Who was performing being a man? Who was the performance for?"
"When a man got hurt, how did he show it? Anger, silence, or something else?"
"How did a man treat his colleagues? His friends? His romantic interest? His family?"
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Stay curious, ask what made them say that, then move on
One follow-up question is plenty. If an answer was shorter than you wished for, try to accept it. You've both just shown this is something you can notice out loud together, which is the point.
⚠️ If it turns into a fight
Stop and stay with the movie. A question about a made-up character that gets met with ridicule or anger is telling you something, and pushing past it will not improve the evening.
Want to keep the conversation going?
First, a quick check-in about the conversation so far.
It's been feeling two-way. Both of you answered and listened, and neither of you has been running the conversation while the other sits back.
Our curiosity has been bigger than our defensiveness. A surprising answer got a follow-up question rather than a rebuttal. From both of you.
Play the Men In Media card game
A deck on your phone. Three levels of questions that build on and deepen this conversation. About 15 minutes.
Score the movie / TV show
The Caring Men in Media test + the Manhood in Media Tracks: thirteen questions across three kinds of manhood. Score it together, or separately and compare. Takes 3-5 minutes, followed by discussion about the results.
Or stop here. One honest exchange about how men handle feelings is a good conversation, and the door stays open for discussing the next movie.